Dochitai Do Sta
by mishka-chan
Summary: “I’m tired of you, of us. I’m done.” He spoke softly but the words cut deep. The wound, uncauterized, began to fester with disease only moments after the infliction.' Sasunaru, Character Death, Symbolism, mentions of sex, and suicide. Song fic


Dochitai Do Sta (Count to One-hundred)

A/N: This fic is to t.A.T.u.'s "Dochitai Do Sta". The original song is in Russian and I have translated it and put the English version in (parenthesis). My mommy helped me! You should thank her if you like it! Please review.

Warning: Shonen-ai, OOC, and no flames, because I don't care what flamers think, but I do care what constructive criticizers think, so that is okay.

Disclaimer: I do not own t.A.T.u.'s "Dochitai Do Sta" or Masashi Kishimoto's "Naruto" or anything affiliated with either.

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The wind blew cold and threw his hair about his face; his ebon locks brushing his ivory face like an archaeologist's brush fighting to preserve a great marble statue of some god whose name has long been lost. Indeed he seemed like a god standing there with his beautiful face being sculpted into my memory. His chiseled body, what was visible, seemed to call to me, and force me to remember those nights, last night, that we spent together. Indeed it was as if this would be the last time I saw him and I felt as if I must soak him up and force his image to be carved into the back of my eyelids. My God, how I wished I hadn't, my God. He opened that mouth, those perfectly pink lips parting to show perfectly whit teeth; why did his parents name him Sasuke instead of perfection, indeed why must his namesake mean 'to cut' instead of something more befitting, much more indicative of his beauty and grace. The words that came out of his mouth taught me why they indeed named him that, for while he was perfection in every sense of the word, his tongue could cut like the sharpest of blades.

"I'm tired of you, of us. I'm done." He spoke softly but the words cut deep. The wound, un-cauterized, began to fester with disease only moments after the infliction.

_On skazal: "Ya ustal." (He said: "I'm tired.")_

_I ego ne vernut'. (And He won't be brought back)_

I now lie in bed counting up to one hundred, and sleep just won't come. It has reached the point at which I am wakefully dreaming. I wish I could fall asleep. That way at least when I dreamt of him that deep wound will not fester, and pain me with the memories of just a few days ago.

_Ty schitaesh do sta, (You're counting up to one hundred)_

_Ty mechtaesh usnut'. (You're dreaming of falling asleep.)_

I begin to count other people it could have been, that I could have been with instead of him. Maybe by the time I reach one hundred, I will have fallen asleep.

_Ty schitaesh do sta, (You're counting up to one hundred)_

_Sto sluchaynykh imen, (One hundred different names)_

I imagine he is asleep by now, dreaming of some other person, some other man or woman besides me. I am beginning to realize that I want no other,** stop thinking about him**, but there were so may others, so many others to fall in love with.

_A tebe nado spat' I ne dumat o nem, (And you should sleep and not think about him)_

Such perfection, such beauty, should not be held within hands. Not within hands as impure as my own, and those of the demon that resides inside of me. He was empty, like most beauties are, not in the sense of vapid, but as in a lack of soul. Something was missing or broken inside, something vital. I wanted to fill it, fill it all up with what little love I could give. Beauty is not meant to be smothered, it is meant to be free. **Why must all your thoughts go to him? **

_A tebe nado spat' I ne dumat o nem, (And you should sleep and not think about him)_

Sakura says I should take the pills she gave me, or do the jutsu that Gaara does, the one with the forced sleep. She tells me that it will make me not think of him, give me a dreamless sleep, but is that what I want? **I must not think of him.**

_A tebe nado spat' I ne dumat o nem, (And you should sleep and not think about him)_

I am left much like he is, empty and lost, in an area of which I have no knowledge of, a ship drifting without navigation towards foreign and undiscovered coasts. Is this how he felt with me? Is this how he felt all of those nights; out of the hundred things that I was to him, was the one thing I though I was the one thing I desperately wanted to be, was that the one thing I wasn't. Lover, did he ever connect that word to me?

_Tvoya lodka pusta (Your boat is empty)_

_U chuzhikh beregov. (Near the alien coasts)_

_Ty shcitaesh do sta. (Your counting up to one hundred)_

I remember he loved to watch the snowfall in twilight hours, how the light would glint harmlessly off the iced-over surface, how the light could not tough the snow, how the snow, the ice, would reflect the other off. Is that what I was, that light trying desperately to pierce his icy surface, only to be ignored, only to be glinted off? Was every moment, ever time I felt love for him simply another snow at dawn?

_Sta russvetnykh snegov. (One hundred snows at dawn)_

Sakura always claimed I was dense, Sasuke did as well, but I know well what I should do, if I didn't I really would be stupid. I should forget about him, move on. But what I should do and what I will do are two completely different things. **Forget him.**

_Eta tema prosta, (The subject is simple)_

_Ty zhe znuesh kak byt'. (You know what you should do)_

_Nado prosto do sta doschitat' I zabyt', (You should count up to one hundred and forget)_

There is something about him that is ingrained inside me, like an epitaph, forever chiseled into my soul, my heart, my memories, it is hard to forget someone when every time you close your eyes that is all you see. I never should have tried to memorize him, his beauty, his perfection, and his sharp tongue. He was beautiful, my God he was beautiful, but he was cold and icy and impenetrable, like snow at dawn. **I must not remember, the feel, the taste… I must forget him.**

_Nado prosto do sta doschitat' I zabyt', (You should count up to one hundred and forget)_

Iruka always told me forever was a very long time, and that it didn't really exist, so 'I love you forever' is simply a lie. Love and hate are strong words, and often times misused. He also told me, that if you love something you must let it go, grasp it too tightly and you will break it. Did I break him? Did I make him hate me because I loved him? If forever is a lie, then is love, is hate? Is something I cannot grasp tangibly in my hands a lie; was he a lie? **Must I forget such a lie for forever, a thing that is a lie forgotten for a period that doesn't exist?**

_Nado prosto do sta doschitat' I zabyt', (You should count up to one hundred and forget)_

_NA-VSE-GDA (For-e-ver)_

**One **

I looked around the tiny room.

**Two **

I had locked myself in.

**Three **

My leg shifting

**Four **

What are you doing?

**Five **

Stop, it's not worth it, or am I not worth it?

_Doschitai, doschitai, doschitai do sta (so count, count, count up to one hundred)_

**Six **

If forever is a lie,

**Seven **

And I said I would love him forever, and love is a strong word,

**Eight **

And often misconstrued and misused;

**Nine **

Then I must not really love him.

_Doschitai, doschitai, doschitai do sta (so count, count, count up to one hundred)_

**Ten **

So therefore I will not have this obsession with him for long.

**Eleven **

Love is but a fleeting thing.

**Twelve **

It often flowers for a few short months.

**Thirteen **

And then wilts away and dies

**Fourteen **

Everything fades away.

_Doschitai, doschitai, doschitai do sta (so count, count, count up to one hundred)_

**Fifteen **

Much like the exuberance of summer fades.

**Sixteen **

Away to the wilting death of autumn

**Seventeen **

And then dies away to the barren wasteland of winter

**Eighteen **

Will I too waste away?

_Doschitai, doschitai, doschitai do sta (so count, count, count up to one hundred) 4,5,6,7,8…_

**Nineteen**

How long has it been since I have slept?

**Twenty **

Since he left surely, how long ago, a week, a year, a month, one hundred nights of no sleep?

_Sta bessonykh nochey (one hundred sleepless nights)_

**Twenty-one **

How long must I wait

**Twenty-two**

Until I can find my way from this quagmire, this labyrinth

**Twenty-three**

Love has always been the hardest emotion.

_V labirintakh lyubvi (In the labyrinth of love)_

**Twenty-four**

Damnit, I need those pills Sakura gave me.

**Twenty-five**

Pulling at the medicine cabinet

**Twenty-six**

I try to ignore his hair gel

**Twenty-seven**

What is the key to forgetting him?

_Sta sluchainykh klyuchey, (one hundred random keys)_

_A v itoge nuli (but only zeroes as results)_

**Twenty-eight**

I pull out the medicine

**Twenty-nine**

A friend or an enemy?

**Thirty **

Or perhaps both?

**Thirty-one**

Beware of overdose; take only as instructed by a registered physician.

_Sta druzey, sta vragov. (One hundred friends, one hundred enemies)_

_Sto rastayavshikh I'din. (One hundred melting icebergs)_

**Thirty-two**

The bottle is almost full

**Thirty-three**

I tip it

**Thirty-four**

More comes out than expected.

**Thirty-five**

How many am I supposed to take?

**Thirty-six**

Two, okay.

**Thirty-seven**

I tip my head back.

**Thirty-eight**

Taking the first dose into my mouth.

**Thirty-nine**

These pills are huge

**Forty **

I slip the second dosage into my mouth.

**Forty-one**

I lay on the bed hoping for once to just forget.

**Forty-two**

I begin to feel heavy.

**Forty-three**

As if everything is weighing down on me at once.

**Forty-four**

A numb feeling settling in

**Forty-five**

Starting at my toes it crept its way up my body.

**Forty-six**

I felt detached, away.

**Forty-seven**

His face was the only thing I could see.

**Forty-eight**

Then I closed my eyes.

**Forty-nine**

And there was nothing.

_Zabyvai pro nego, 101,101 (Be forgetting about him, 101, 101)_

**Fifty **

Naruto? Naruto?

**Fifty-one**

Open the door!

**Fifty-two**

Sakura crashed through the door.

**Fifty-three**

Naruto! She made her way to the bedroom.

_Zabyvai pro nego, zabybay navsegda, (Be forgetting about him, forgetting forever)_

**Fifty-four**

She observed the almost obsessive photography of Sasuke on the walls, the Uchiha symbol also appeared frequently.

**Fifty-five**

She reached the bedroom door and knocked softly.

**Fifty-six**

Then a bit louder she knocked

**Fifty-seven**

Then she finally called out. Naruto?

_Zabyvai pro nego, zabybay navsegda, (Be forgetting about him, forgetting forever)_

**Fifty-eight**

Her hand on the door, she swung it open

**Fifty-nine**

Her eyes darted, from what seemed to be a sleeping Naruto,

**Sixty **

To the pill bottle on the bedside table.

**Sixty-one**

She looked at the bottle, recognizing it as sleep medicine that she had given him.

**Sixty-two**

'He must be asleep.' She thought as she reached for the bottle to put it back up.

**Sixty-three**

It was too light, there were only twenty pills left.

**Sixty-four**

She had prescribed one hundred twenty, exactly one hundred pills were missing.

_NA-VSE-GDA (For-e-ver) _

**Sixty-five **

She reached over, 'Oh, please don't let him have taken that much.'

**Sixty-six**

She shook him, "Naruto?"

**Sixty-seven**

Surely he was alive.

**Sixty-eight**

She reached for his wrist.

_Doschitai, doschitai, doschitai do sta (so count, count, count up to one hundred)_

**Sixty-nine**

No pulse.

**Seventy **

It seemed as if her scream pierced the surrounding air.

**Seventy-one**

Suddenly people surrounded her.

**Seventy-two**

Her broken sobs and whispers.

**Seventy-three**

The only sound breaking through.

**Seventy-four**

"No pulse, he's dead."

_Doschitai, doschitai, doschitai do sta (so count, count, count up to one hundred)_

**Seventy-five**

His name had always seemed strange to her.

**Seventy-six**

Naruto, like a fishcake.

**Seventy-seven**

Surely his name should be much more boisterous.

**Seventy-eight**

Never until now had she thought about the alternate meaning.

_Doschitai, doschitai, doschitai do sta (so count, count, count up to one hundred)_

**Seventy-nine**

Naruto, whirlpool.

**Eighty **

Uzumaki, spiral.

**Eighty-one**

Strange how just as his namesake implies.

**Eighty-two**

He would keep you spinning.

**Eighty-three**

So you never quite knew where you stood

_Doschitai, doschitai, doschitai do sta (so count, count, count up to one hundred)_

**Eighty-four**

She looked at the pill bottle that had killed her friend.

**Eighty-five**

The pill bottle that she had prescribed.

**Eighty-six**

She had killed him.

_59,60,61,62…_

**Eighty-seven**

The crescendo of her heart when she had pushed against his chest

**Eighty-eight**

In a vain attempt to get him to come back.

_Doschitai, doschitai, doschitai do sta (so count, count, count up to one hundred)_

**Eighty-nine**

She saw Sasuke then, a few months later.

**Ninety**

He asked where Naruto was.

**Ninety-one**

_Doschitai, doschitai, doschitai do sta (so count, count, count up to one hundred)_

**Ninety-two**

"Who prescribed him the medication?! Why?!" He had screamed in a fury

**Ninety-three**

He couldn't sleep, he wouldn't eat, he was only supposed to take two at a time every night.

**Ninety-four**

I hadn't known, I hadn't know.

_Doschitai, doschitai, doschitai do sta (so count, count, count up to one hundred)_

**Ninety-five**

"You killed him, Sakura!"

**Ninety-six**

I didn't. I finally realized this. It took me months to do so.

**Ninety-seven**

She whispered those words that Naruto had spoke to her only a few months ago. They seemed almost meaningless to her at the time.

_Doschitai, doschitai, doschitai do sta (so count, count, count up to one hundred)_

**Ninety-eight**

"He said: I'm tired, and he won't be brought back."

**Ninety-nine**

Sasuke turned on her, hatred spitting in his eyes. "You administered medication to a distraught patient."

"Who's fault was that Sasuke? Whose fault! You killed him! You did. It eats you up inside doesn't it! You left for something that didn't exist and it killed Naruto, now it's killing you slowly from the inside."

Sasuke looked at her blankly, his eyes the only part of his body in which fury was evident. "Chidori!" With the chirping of a thousand birds Sakura died. He found a pill bottle with twenty pills in it, and choked them down; the ANBU arrested him.

**One hundred**

He fell asleep in his cell and never woke up again.

_Doschitai, Doschitai. (So count, count up)_


End file.
